Barbara Densmore, Professional Celebrant

Bruce Chatwin, author of What Am I Doing Here? writes:  “[Sherpas] are compulsive travelers; and in Sherpa-country every track is marked with cairns and prayer-flags, reminding you that Man’s real home is not a house, but the Road, and that life itself is a journey to be walked on foot.”

The cairns serve  many purposes:  they mark presence, help to guide others coming behind, and often mark a change in direction – a turning point.

One of the turning points on Aaron’s life journey brought him from Toronto to Vancouver.  He aimed to gather a fresh perspective, both about the past and for the future.  After 5 years on the coast, he was ready to return to his home city.

A thoughtful man, he wanted to mark this transition intentionally…to bid farewell to those whose friendship he had come to cherish.  He wanted people to have the opportunity to “share”…food, fellowship, and feelings.  Aaron wanted to both thank people for their support and also to give them the chance to speak as well.

But that’s not always easy in a larger group…1) speaking in public 2) about personal feelings 3) to a group that’s not necessarily familiar can rank up there with root canals and bungy jumping.

The first ritual I designed for the evening gave people a comfortable and meaningful way to be present.  Guests were asked to bring a simple symbol (recycled or maximum value of $2.00) of their friendship/time spent with Aaron.  The concept of sherpa cairns was linked to Aaron’s personal journey: “each turning point in our lives means that we leave behind people and places that have mattered. In turn, we have mattered to people in those places and their lives change as well”. People were invited to build a cairn for Aaron, adding their symbol while describing its meaning.  The process was safe, easy, fun, meaningful and a little tipsy  (the cairn, not the guests..:)

Aaron hadn’t given much thought to what happened after the “good-bye” – when his real journey would begin.  So we added a ritual that allowed people to give him words of support that he could take along with him…sort of a “cheerleader” on paper process.  Again, it allowed people to express themselves in a comfortable way.

Both rituals were easily delivered by a friend of Aaron’s.

The evening’s remnants were easy to pack, and perhaps the lightest and richest were the memories. Because travelling light is always easier, whether it’s a vacation or on the road of life..:)

Giving birth is the one major rite of passage that historically wasn’t observed (vs birth, death, & marriage). Pregnancy and delivery were the private domain of women, closeted at home to protect the mother-to-be from germs & disease, exercise & horseback riding…and if that weren’t enough…in some instances, scandal & disgrace.  (If you’re a ‘Tudors’ fan, this explains how a barren Queen can ‘bear fruit’.)

Elsewhere in the world, many Native cultures were treating pregnancy and childbirth with great ritual. Seen as all part of the human life cycle, women created deliberate circles to welcome mothers-to-be, to honour the emotions they were feeling, and to prepare for the act of giving birth.  The journey into motherhood was seen as life-changing and powerful, full of great reverence and equal fear.

Centuries later, we have drifted miles away from either of these paths.  It’s clear to us today that the threshold into motherhood is a physical, logistical, and emotional journey. And that a good transition contains a solid balance of all three.

The paths today have perhaps been determined more by medicine and mindset than by culture. The movement to return to simpler and more natural ways of giving birth (think midwife/doula) has given us the message that some new mothers intend to enter motherhood deliberately and under their own power.

For some women, the idea not taking that journey solo leads them back to the rituals created years ago in the Native tradition: being surrounded by women who care about you, who will care for you, and will shepherd and support you right through this awe-inspiring time.

One woman asked: "do I have to get pregnant to have a ceremony like this?"

That was the case with Tara, who lives intentionally and treats the earth with great kindness.  Her mother, who recognized a “Mothering Ceremony” as a perfect gift for her daughter, provided the space for 12 wise women to gather.

The rituals, specifically designed for her, prepared her for the transition from carefree maiden to responsible mother.There were heartfelt stories shared about first births, meaningful (and ‘well-meaning’) advice. We celebrated her and her journey. And we made a solid commitment to be there for her before, during, and after the baby was born.

The women who attended would have been there for her anyway, but this ceremony made it intentional. It focused on Tara’s needs, especially the emotional ones that accompany any unknown journey.

Umbilical cord, each colour represented a different key emotion for Tara

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Tara was wearing her birthing necklace as baby Amelie was born.  And we were all wearing our ‘umbilical cord’ bracelets.

Tara described her ceremony as: A truly unique and uplifting experience that honoured my shift to motherhood with the strong and wise women in my life.

The words that came up most from the women who participated were  “meaningful, fun, memorable“  but I especially liked those of Tara’s poetic mother-in-law: “sacred, powerful, and joyful.”